Letter to my bf

Here is what I want to write the Chef. I guess I probably won't. It's probs not the best idea in the world. It might send the wrong message or something. But this is what I think in my head:

Dear Chef,

You are going to be my new boyfriend. And here is what I need in a bf:
- Just do whatever it is I say. I’ll change my mind, so it’s never the same all the time. You need to check with me first but not when I'm grumpy, I don't like to be bothered when I'm grumpy.
- I require a lot of attention but I only like to talk about stuff I’m interested in or stuff I like. I can’t listen to stuff that I’m not interested in or stuff that only affects you
- I’m going to need you to do stuff for me, like basically live my life for me bc I’m lazy
- I need you to make a lot of money. Because I will need a nice place, nice clothes, lots of vacations, nice restaurants.

Ok, thanks.

Love,
Dana