Leaving you hanging

So I didn't want to leave you hanging in suspense. I've been gone for a while. I had to take a break. I needed it! It's hard to keep up with this madness. I'm still out there but taking a break from writing about it. Hopefully I will find the gem that's out there somewhere hidden in this world of hilarity!

Lesson learned

Note – guys to do NOT like it when you call them a perv, child toucher, weird or a creep.

I can’t help it, sometimes their pictures make them look like the above names. And I feel that it might be my duty to ask them if they are. I’m not pointing fingers and calling them these names, I’m only asking if they touch children or if they are weird. If they aren’t, they should have an equally good comeback for me that leads to engaging conversation. If they are, they might get mad and call me names.

Lesson learned.

Oh Canada

My newest annoyance is people who contact me like it’s the first time after I’ve already told them I didn’t think we’d be a good match. Brown_eyes1984 first reached out to me on 5/17. He’s 25 and just moved here from Canada. I let him know that he was a little too young for anything romantic but if he wanted we could talk and stuff. After he didn’t reply, I assumed he wasn’t interested. Then on 6/1, he contacts me again. To tell me that he just moved to NJ and was looking to meet new people. Um hello 25 year old with brown eyes, you already told me this!! So I told him that we’ve been over this before, I knew that he just moved here from Canada, I asked if he was casting the net so wide that he forgot who all he’s contacted, then I suggested he make a chart or something to keep track. Again, no reply. So odd!

vanguy4u, you are blocked!

I had to block the vanguy4u guy. I corrected myself to tell him that I was asking if he had a van that he used to kidnap small children. After he told me that wasn’t a very nice thing to ask, he started sending me poems. He told me that he made them up himself on the spur of the moment. The poems are even too disturbing to post. In fact, I feel disgusted just thinking about it. So gross!!! So I blocked him. I’ve never blocked anyone before so I don’t know what happens but I do know that he hasn’t contacted me since, so I guess the blocking worked!

I don't have a van

So I heard back from vanguy4u. But when he replied I realized that I had made a typo in my email to him. I wanted to ask him if “HE” had a van that said “free candy” on the side of it. But instead I typed “I”. I was asking if “I” had a van that said free candy!! These damn fat fingers. I had typed it from my phone and the buttons are really small and my fingers are really fat. So he was all confused and told me that he didn’t know if I had a van. Damnit!!!!!!! I totally suck.

General updates

And since I’ve been gone I thought I’d give some updates

- Party Hat Joe – I haven’t heard from him in a while. The last time I heard was about a month ago. I might be due for another text from him soon.
- Smallest Horse in The World – I am no longer speaking with him. I told him I wasn’t interested in meeting up with him that much. He pleaded one more time to meet up, asking me to reject him on his looks, not his personality. I gave up and stop replying. Then he de-friended me on facebook. The horror.
- Tallest Horse In The World – I still talk with him a lot. He’s busy so it’s hard to hang out with him but all is good on this frontier
- I asked vanguy4u if he had a van that had the words “free candy” written on the side, still waiting for his response.
- The BF with all the cats that told his mom about me the Monday after our date on Saturday – I last heard from him about a month ago. I might be due for another text soon too.

Those are all the updates for now.

I don’t want to seem like a stalker even though I totally am.

I originally bonded with this new Stalker over many conversations about Lost, the TV show. We seemed to hit it off even though he did seem a bit neurotic and didn’t have a real job of sorts but instead had a mishmash of odd jobs – cataloging some billionaire’s books, juice truck, some retail. But whatever, to each his own. Initially I had cancelled on Stalker a few times because I was sick and not getting better. But we finally met up a few weekends ago. I was still a little sick but we met for a drink and food. He was for sure a little geeky, nice overall, but there really wasn’t any sparks there. We didn’t have much in common other than Lost. BUT he hadn’t even watched all seasons, he only started watching it THIS year bc his roommate was a fan and would have people over(!!!!!). However he really wanted to hang out again. So I had agreed to hang out the next Thursday. Wednesday came and I really didn’t feel like hanging out, so I called him to cancel. He wanted to reschedule to the weekend, I was busy, except maybe Sunday. He wanted to meet up Sunday, I asked if we could play it by ear. Sunday came, I was running around doing errands and got an email. His email asked if it was too pushy to insist on seeing me (my head is screaming YES!!!) that day. I didn’t reply. So a half hour later, he sent me a text saying he didn’t want to seem like a “stalker”….blablalba. In my head I’m thinking, but you totally are a stalker! So I told him no, I was busy running errands, I hadn’t even showered that day, it’d have to be another time. We’ll see how this all ends up, sagas are always to be continued as always!!

Get In My Van....

So I’m back! At least for a little bit this week.

I was recently contacted by a man that calls himself “vanguy4u”. He is 50 year’s old. His name just screams “I kidnap children” all over it. And what did he have to say to me, you wonder? He wanted to tell me that he liked my profile, he wants to have a drink, he likes to travel, but is also content at staying home, watching tv, cuddling and ice cream. Again, kidnapper. I haven’t replied to vanguy yet. I don’t think I want to be kidnapped in a van this week. I’d rather stay safe.

PS – this is NOT his van, I have no idea what his van looks like. This is just what his van looks like in my head. I actually don’t even know that he has a van or just calls himself van guy. Who knows anymore!

Stay Tuned

So you are probably wondering where I’ve been, has the anonymous dick scared me away. Fear not! I cannot be scared away by someone will not identify him/her self to me in real life. Get out of here! I’ve actually been busy, and this week I’ve been sick. But don’t you worry, I’ve been using this time to talk to a lot of gems so I’ll have plenty to talk about when I get better. Check back in after a week or so. And in the meantime, enjoy some of the past memories!

Fine Piece of....

I'm either getting better at this dating thing and able to weed out the crazies or I've gone through all the crazies already....no, that's not possible. Last night I was thinking that maybe I need to update my profile again. Maybe the Biggie lyrics just aren't working as well as they did the first day.

So here is my new profile:

I look at myself in the mirror every morning and I think to myself, "you are a fine piece of ass". I'm sure you’ve already thought this exact thought when you first checked out my pics. You for sure thought, “she is so fine, check her out, I gots to read more about this sho-ty”.

Well, boys, don't you worry, this fine ass has brains too. I like to do algebra in my spare time; I'm Asian after all, did you expect differently? I play with my abacus. So brains and beauty, what more to guys want? I cook, I clean, never married, haven't had kids yet, I live to serve, I'll leave you to watch sports for the entire weekend.

So now your thinking, "is this fine piece of ass for real, this is still the Internet after all". The answer is yes, I’m very real. Take me for a test drive, see if you like the ride.

Saying Good Bye To The Perfect Relationship

My perfect relationship is moving away. I met PR (perfect relationship) back in February. PR had just been laid off from his job and was on the hunt for a new one. And now, he’s been offered a job across the country. So he’s moving in a few weeks. Such a bummer.

We’ve hung out several times. Each time was perfect. He’d call, email or text randomly, seeing if I wanted to hang out. If that day wasn’t available we’d quickly come to an agreed upon date, time, meet, hang out, and it was just as simple as that. There was very little back and forth, uncertainty, annoyingness. It was simple. He had made it clear from the start that he probably wasn’t looking for anything serious or long term, which was totally fine. Making a new friend and just hanging out, getting a drink or whatever is always nice too. And it’s helpful to know from the get go, there’s no second guessing, etc.

But just as quickly as he entered my life, he’s saying good bye. The PR will be missed for sure.

General Updates - Party Hats and Crazies

So it’s been pretty quiet since I’ve been sick or busy. But I do have a few updates for you.

Party Hat Joe – Texted me over the weekend to see what was up. Poor party hat Joe.

The one with all the cats that told his mom about me the Monday after our Saturday date – Texted me over the weekend. This guy does NOT even know there’s a hint to get! He wanted to “know what I’ve been up to”. Man it’s been all year and no reply.

Raymond – This guy that really liked my profile, of Biggie’s lyrics of the song, Juicy….he said he knows me because he read my profile. I’m hoping he knows it was song lyrics and not my actual words. Raymond first wanted to know if I could rap. That’s funny. I told him that I could “rap” Christmas presents and stuff. Then he asked me if he could be my boyfriend. I told him no, he might be crazy.

ANONYMOUS DICK

Picture comment - I'm pretty sure this is who is posting all of this but I can't prove it just yet.

Great, so now this blog has stalkers too now?! Yesterday, someone felt the need to hide behind an anonymous profile to call me names and then threaten my life. I eat like a pig or a cow, they aren’t sure which, also like a man. I have no life. I am punishing these guys that I write about. They were going to see me “in” (his word, not mine) the train last night. Blablabla.

Here’s what I have to say to you, anonymous dick:
-I don’t care how I eat. And for the record, I do not eat with my mouth open. I barely even eat salad except at work so I have no idea what you are even talking about.
-I think it’s plainly obvious from all of these postings that I have no life, I'm sick, too much time, and nothing better to do. So what’s your point captain obvious? Way to play it safe there, you will always win when you point out the obvious, that’s for sure
-You took the time yesterday to go through my postings and I asked you to reveal yourself if you truly know me. I waited for you on the train last night, where were you?? Bring it.
-I had over 100 click throughs on this page yesterday, so thank you for driving traffic waaay up!! :)
-Your English sucks. Your spelling and lack of use of the space bar hurt my eyes.

And for everyone else, I’ve compiled the comments below for you so you don’t have to search around.

Posted on Tallest To Shortest Continued:

ANONYMOUS DICK: This girl is sick!!!!!!! I know as I met her...
Not only she has a super inferiority complex on being short,she also eats like a pig..i was so disgusted looking at her eating a salad..going chomp chomp with open mouth like a guy...some ppl ofcourse NEED to resort to online dating to have a social life as this girl definitely can't have any in real life..
I meant "like a cow"

**Posted on Where do the mullets keep coming from??:

ANONYMOUS DICK: You do have too much time on your hands!!!!!!!!!!why don't you spend it to have a social life in real life.
Listen its not right to put other people's pictures on your blog..are you punishing them for finding your profile interesting and wanting to meet you???
What if one of them goes and puts your pictures on porn sites or better yet on New Jersey craigslist personals?Maybe he has...
ME: But then what would you have to read and comment on? Your own huge social life? Oh right, no, you're still reading this...want to go to dinner sometime?
ANONYMOUS DICK: I have your pictures..do u want me to stoop down like you and posting them in all sorts of blogs & personals/porn sites..maybe even the ones your friends frequent?
ME: Hm, I thought I didn't have any friends/no social life?

**Posted on Juicy:

ANONYMOUS DICK: Scared..are you?you have no idea who u are dealing with missie.
ME: Thanks for keeping up on reading! ;)
ANONYMOUS DICK: ..see u in the train today evening..bye
ME: Great, we can get dinner afterwards, you can watch me eat salad like a guy/cow. It’ll be great.

WORD

Juicy

I've changed my online profile to only read the lyrics of Juice, by Biggie.

Yesterday I received a message - "This is racist :("

Where do the mullets keep coming from??

Say hello to princestowntrini. Another exactly…What would he do on a first date? He would – “First of all, I would do what most "cool guys" do,take her out to a candle lit dinner and converse with her. If the mixture is right we will take it to the next stage.”

This mullet #2 contacted me the other day. Here’s our conversation:

HIM: hello, how are you doing on this beautiful day ?
ME: (I notice that he has a mullet) Nice mullet
HIM: yes indeed, happy spring to you....please tell me a little more about you ? thx...
MY THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD: OMG, does he even know what I’m talking about? He has no idea, I better push this some more.
WHAT I SAY TO HIM: I like mullets so you're in luck
HIM: cool ! how about calamari LOL....are you a sports buff
MY THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD: OMG, he has noooo idea what a mullet is…I better end this.
WHAT I SAY TO HIM: I don't eat seafood or like sports

And it all just keeps happening!

Tall Horse's Birthday Surprise

Today is your lucky day, I have a double post for you.

So someone recently asked if I spent the tall horse’s birthday with him. I did. It’s actually a pretty funny story. So I get to his house. He was still in his work clothes and had friends hanging out, just drinking, talking, whatever. They run out of beer. The tall horse remembers that he has some bottles of wine. He goes down to get it. He comes back up and describes the wine. My ears turned off and I wasn’t able to listen to the description. But I do know that he had had it for 10 years or something and I have a feeling it was expensive. So they are drinking it, 2 glasses were poured. And the bottle’s placed on the table. The table already had an empty wine bottle sitting there too. I go to put a cigarette out (what?! I slipped!!!) in what I think is the empty bottle of wine. But as soon as I drop it, I hear the sizzle of the fire going out. I look into the top, the wine bottle is full. I gasp, “OMG”. They all turn to look at me. The tall horse says, “what did you do?”. I try and hide the wine bottle behind me and yell, “I just did something bad, I am so sorry”. The tall horse repeats, “what did you do!?”, a little louder this time. He says, “I can see the cigarette in the bottle, floating”. We all crack up about it. I still can’t believe I did that. Stuff just happens sometimes.

Later that night I don’t know if the tall horse is super drunk or just forgot but he goes to pour a glass of wine from the bottle. He doesn’t see the cigarette fall into his glass. He takes a few sips before it goes into his mouth. He tries to get up to go spit it out but trips over a plant. All of a sudden, I hear a thud, look over, all 6 feet 4 inches of him are sprawled on the ground, dirt is everywhere!

The next day, I had thrown my cell phone in my purse, when I went to pull it out, it was covered in dirt!

It was a pretty funny chain of events for sure.

I Like To Party

This is Romanb4u....exactly.

Here is how he describes himself, I am not changing the spelling or grammer, everything is as he posted.

"hmm.. I don't know where to start, and how to do this perfectly. I would describe myself as a lively, outgoing person who enjoys meeting new people. I strive to make use of every positive opportunity to better my life in some way or another. I like dancing,watching sports / movies, cracking witty jokes without hurting any one, going to sea shore, listening to good music ands doing adventure like - long drives and hiking etc. I love my job but not a workaholic."
On a typical Friday night I am: "partying in a pub"

HIM: hello, how are you doing? hope time is treaing you well. Your profile interested me, so wanna get to know you. If interested hit me up, we can chat online and see where it goes. have a good one.
ME: I see in your profile that you like to "party". You only said it 200 times. Do you know where I can get a quality 8-ball?
HIM: Whats quality 8 ball? :)
ME: Exactly...ok party monster, party on
HIM: hahah nice catch dear... but partying doesn't mean just balling... or something else. It depends on the one's perspective though. But nevermind good luck for u...

My thoughts:
- Ok, first, did he just call me dear? As in the animal??? Seriously...he just called me an animal I think!
- Anyone who says they are "funny" or likes to "crack witty jokes" or likes to "party" NEVER is funny, witty, or has even been to a party in their life.
- Partying is perspective??? What does that even mean?!!?

Midget turned stalker….

So the midget ended up being a stalker, just like the others. I was supposed to meet up with him on Saturday. He had wanted to meet at 1 PM but I knew that I’d be out late with the chef the night before so I pushed the midget back to 3 PM.

Saturday - He called me at 11 AM on Saturday morning to tell me that he had food poisoning, had been sick since 5 AM that morning, blablabla. He left a voicemail because I was still sleeping. He called again a half hour later. Then he sent a text. I woke up at the second call AT THE CHEF’S HOUSE because I was down there too late and passed out. Couldn’t find my phone fast enough but called him back. I yelled at him that I was sleeping and to stop calling like a stalker, I got his voicemail, I was sorry, told him to take care of himself and said good bye. After we hung up, he texted again, that he was sorry, again. He then texted me all day long. I stopped replying after I sent 2 texts – first telling him it was ok, second asking if he needed anything. His last text to me on Saturday was at 11:22 PM. I had stopped replying at 2 PM….

Sunday - Sunday morning what do I wake up to? The midget asking me if I’m awake. I go back to sleep. I wake up again an hour later to another text from the midget. At this point I’m so angry, I text him back to tell him that I’m sleeping, quit waking me up, and to go away. He texts again at 1, telling me that I have to be up by now and that he wants to hang out on Tuesday. I told him no, Tuesday is when I watch Lost, and he told me to DVR it. I still haven’t replied. He texted me a few more times without my replies on Sunday.

I think it’s way over with the midget before it even started….that was short lived….get it? Short. Lived. Get it???

I was once given advice by a good friend/ dating guru. He told me that if the replies come back slow or not at all, there’s a reason for that, move on. Words to live by.

Dating Advice found on a profile

I came across this dating advice list. This guy had it in his profile. I thought it was hilarious and wanted to share. Sorry for the vulgar language. But enjoy!

1. Guys r trying to fuck u
2. This doesn't mean they won't later decide they want a relationship. Some marriages start from awful one night stands but no matter what he says or does on that date he is angling to fuck u
3. If a guy hasn't tried to fuck u by the third date he is either gay incompetent or it will never happen.
4. Notice I said try. You don't have to let him.
5. If you haven't fucked him by the fifth date he will either leave or is gay or incompetent
6. Everybody including you thinks black nail polish is ugly. Don't try to convince yourself otherwise
7. If you've been dating for many months and have never seen his place, he is married. No matter what bs excuse he says. Either enjoy him for him and/or move on. Why would he do that? See rule #1
8. No guys really like opera ballet or broadway or half the shit you and your friends do. A guy will do some of this stuff early bc of rule #1. But afterwards don't expect him to or torture him with it or he'll be gone
9. You may think how great it is that you love golf football and sportscenter and early on it may stimulate things but a man needs his own time and hobbies as well and the more u crowd him he will flee
10. If u order an expensive bottle of wine on the first date he will secretly hate you.
11. Guys don't believe in psychics and horoscopes. When you babble about that shit he will conclude you are illogical and a bit crazy
12. If you are offended by this list you are too uptight
13. Every person lies about something in their initial ad/meeting - forgive the little lies, watch out for the big ones.

Party Hat Joe

This is Joe. Joe will also not go away.

I first started talking to Joe in January. It was shortly after New Year’s, you can tell from his cool party hat. Joe seemed nice enough at the time. We talked on a phone a few times. He wanted to take me go carting and only because he offered such a fun activity, I accepted. We made the date for the next Saturday during the day. The Monday prior, my mom called to tell me she was going to come visit that weekend. So I called Joe to tell him I had to reschedule. He was ok with this and understanding. We rescheduled for the next Saturday. The Tuesday prior I was out, received a phone call that my friend’s husband had passed away, I scheduled a flight for 2 days later. I called Joe again to reschedule. Joe was totally cool with this, totally understanding. This is life and things come up, they happen.

So when I got back from the funeral, I had a lot of things to catch up on, so I didn’t really talk to Joe for a while. But then he started coming around again. Texting, asking to hang out. I put him off for a few weeks before finally thinking that if I just met up with him, he’d go away. So I told him I could meet him for breakfast on a Sunday. (hey, I’m a busy girl! Haha!) We finally met in person. It was clear that Joe had never talked with a girl before in his life.

After the breakfast date, he continued to reach out to me. Using my usual tactics of ignoring things until they just go away, I stopped replying to his texts. When I found this wasn’t working, I started replying with totally lame excuses of why I couldn’t hang out. I’ve had more friends have birthday parties in the past 2 months than I have actual friends. I’ve been to Boston (I’ve never been to Boston in my life). I was sick (this was a real excuse and not even an excuse!). I think you get the picture.

So at this point, I suppose I’ll see how far I can take this without having to actually see the kid. He’s now cut it down to texting on Friday night to see if I can hang out on Saturday. To be continued…Poor Joe.

Tallest to shortest continued

My twisted love affair with the smallest man in the world and the tallest man in the world continues this weekend.

It’s the tallest man in the world’s birthday on Friday. Apparently he has to work but would like to hang out with me after he’s done with work. This sounds serious. To be continued.

The smallest man in the world really wants to meet me. I made up a lame excuse 2 weekends ago, last weekend I was sick, so I guess we will meet this weekend. He is in love with me. I’m sure it’s because I am his size and that is not common. But where will this end up? Us growing old together, going grocery shopping and not being able to reach the top shelf together? Us getting a house together and all of the pictures hung at 3 feet from the floor because that’s as far as we can reach? This can’t end good.

Image comment - This is what they would look like if they were horses

Crazy cat man stalker boyfriend won't go away

Guess who’s back for more? The boyfriend. The dude with all the cats that told his mom about me on Monday, after our date on Saturday. He last texted me at the beginning of March, I ignored the text. He wanted to know what I was doing. In my head I thought, I’m ignoring you, that’s what I’m doing. But instead I ignored the text. After basically ignoring him since I blew him off on New Year’s (see New Year’s Blow Off from Jan, 2010), I thought he would have gotten the point by now. But no, he has to keep coming back. I told someone about this yesterday and they asked, “Is he crazy?”. The answer is, yes, he is crazy, he must be crazy.

So on Saturday, I was deathly ill with tonsillitis, watching tv, and playing my cell phone game that I’m still addicted to and play daily. And I saw him on my caller ID, but it was only up for a second. Which means, he called and hung up. Now, I’ve called on accident before, but after 1 ring I’ve realize what I’ve done and hung up, the call hasn’t gone through yet. I’ve tested this in fact. So this means he let it ring several times. So he could pretend that he called by accident. But really it was just 1 month after his last contact of me ignoring him, his scheduled time to reach out to me, in hopes that I remember how incredibly awesome he was and come running back to his arm. In his dreams. Make him just go away!!!!!

PS - the guy in this pic is much better looking than the crazy cat man stalker boyfriend.

Jimmy's Dirty Mind

This is Jimmy. Jimmy feels that he wants the world to know that the first thing people normally notice about him is his "dirty mind. hehe". This makes me feel so ill. Jimmy also feels that women should message him if "you are nice to me and... :)". This also makes me feel ill.

Jimmy sent me the following message:
"how are you? my name is jimmy. do you think we can be friends? thanks."

I replied to Jimmy that no, we couldn't be friends and why did he have to talk about his dirty mind. Has he ever met a woman, or talked to one in person (computers don't count).

Richard Simmons Wannabe

I was recently contacted by this Richard Simmons wannabe. When I first opened the profile, I was a little bit confused, then I realized the pure genius of it all. It’s so great, it deserves a posting and reply back. I replied to give him kudos as well as complement him on his track suit. Genius!

This is his actual picture he uses. And here are some of the highlights from his profile:

WHAT I’M DOING WITH MY LIFE: watching Richard Simmons tapes

I’M REALLY GOOD AT: chillaxin and jazzercise

THE FIRST THING PEOPLE USUALLY NOTICE ABOUT ME: my fanny pack

YOU SOULD MESSAGE ME IF: you want a copy of my exercise dvd

Enjoy!

Love in Low Places

I have a midget that’s in love with me. It’s ok, I can use that word since I’m also one. Past reference, see the posting called “Tallest To Shortest” in March of 2010. The midget is 5 feet tall, or so he says. He is also younger than me, 31 to my 32. We’ve been emailing for a the past week. He’s called me once. He is ok, personality-wise. He’s pretty funny. But in the back of my mind, I can’t stop thinking about the fact that he is my height. My height! I’m the shortest person alive! Always. And if we hung out, we’d look like 2 midgets hanging out! I don’t know how I feel about that. It would be super awkward. And when we needed something from the top shelf, we’d look pretty funny climbing the shelves to reach the soup can.

He wanted to meet up this past Saturday but I cancelled on him. He wants to reschedule for this coming weekend. So far, I’ve been avoiding answering that question. He is really into me. I think it’s mostly due to my sparkling personality, and the fact that I am not taller than him. Most likely the latter being the bigger reason. I would imagine that his range of women that aren’t taller than him is extremely limited. I JUST CAN’T GET THIS IMAGE OUT OF MY HEAD WHEN I THINK ABOUT GOING OUT WITH HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Robert - likes theatre, movie's and appostrophes

My name is Robert I'm 37 I'm 5'6" irish/german and live in Queen's.
I like the theatre, movie's, being outdoor's and just having fun.

More conversations with Biggie

More replies from Biggie.

This is Rob. Rob is 34, 5’9”, mixed raced with black hair and lives in Jersey City. His ideal first date is “Drinks or coffee in a casual place and get know each other”.

Here is how he describes himself.

How to describe yourself? (he wrote this, not me!!)
I'm smart easygoing guy who likes to travel and meeting new people wherever I go. I try not to take life too seriously that’s what work is for. I love cooking, dancing, traveling, camping, watching movies, making stuff, riding my bicycle, hiking, shopping, hanging out with friends and having a good time. I still love the nightlife but I’d like to go with that special someone rather than trying to find someone. I would to meet a cool girl who likes adventure and not afraid of trying new things.

And here is our conversation, via lyrics by Biggie Smalls, RIP Biggie.

HIM: what do you like to do? where do you hang out? Maybe we can meet somewhere for coffee or after work drink(meaning early to keep it casual;)?
ME: Call the crib same numba same hood. Super nintendo sega genesis. When I
was dead broke man I couldn't picta this.
HIM: ????? number?
ME: It was all a dream. I used to read word up magazine.
HIM: haha what are you up to today?
ME: Lunches brunches interviews by the pool.

Word

Biggie Replies

Soooo…my newest bright idea is to reply to people that I’m not interested in using the words of the Notorious BIG, or Biggie. As I’m sure you can imagine, this has been working extremely well.

HIM: it's such a rainny weekend. Kinda stuck at home feeling bore. What about you? What you been up to?
IN MY HEAD: I love people who don’t know how to conjugate verbs.
Me: (nothing, I didn’t reply!!!)
HIM: Hello... how you been?
ME: I let my tape rock till my taped popped. I'm blowing up like you thought I would.
Call the crib same numba same hood. (Biggie, song - Juicy)
HIM: Hello, Are you ok? what's that mean lol. It sounds like a song.
IN MY HEAD: I can’t believe he’s still writing back.
ME: It was all a dream. I used to read word up magazine.
HIM: Ok. Are you ok? you don't write much anymore. is there any chance we can be friends & hang out sometimes?

Tallest to Shortest

I am currently speaking with 2 guys right now. One is 6 feet 4, the other is 5 foot. What a stretch…literally and figuratively. ba-dum-bum-CHING

"In A Relationship" - NOT ME!!

So I had met this guy online, we talked back and forth for a while, he wanted to add me on facebook. I don’t normally like to do this before I actually meet people in person but he seemed ok enough, so we added each other. We talked back and forth on facebook for a while. Until we both had time to meet up in person. We go out. He is an artist and has his own gallery, I go there, he shows me the pieces, then we go to a bar. We have a few drinks, hang out for a while. It’s a decent time, we both laugh a lot and seem to have a good time. He contacts me the next day to tell me he had a good time, we should do it again, blablaba. He comments a few times on things I’ve posted on facebook, about a month or 2 goes by. He changes his facebook status to “in a relationship”. Hump. Do I “like it’ on facebook, do I say congrats. I think I’ll just do what I always do, nothing.

The Mall and The Motorcycle - Continued

There are lots of continuations going on lately!!

For reference also see Dec 2009 – The Mall and The Motorcycle

Got a call yesterday. It was the guy that took me on a date to the mall and only talked about his motorcycle. I think his actual pictures of his motorcycle can be found on the last posting about him. I’ll do my best to reconstruct the conversation as best as I can:

Me: Hello
Him: Hey what’s up
Me: Not much, how are you? (still not even 100% on who this is, I just had his name saved in my phone)
Him: I’m good, do you remember me? We went out at the mall, I had blond hair, blue eyes
Me: Yes, you also have a motorcycle (I remembered now, 100%)
Him: Yeah, what’s going on
Me: You tell me
Him: I just had your number in my phone, wanted to call to see what’s up. Do you want to go out sometime?
Me: (in my head I am thinking, OMG, NOOOO) but what comes out of my mouth is – sure, let me call you later tonight, I’m at work right now.
Him: Ok great, talk to you later.

I didn’t call him later that night….

Communication with cheating Raj's wife

For reference see -
March 2010 - Raj the cheater, continued...is he still cheating?...
January 2010 - Raj the cheater

Raj’s wife had recently mass emailed asking for details from her husband’s cheating affairs. She wants to know details, if we ever met him, emails we have with him, pictures, the whole nine yards. Originally I thought I didn’t want to get involved, this could be some scam or trick, or she could be crazy and track me down, etc. I thought it was best to stay far away. However, I then decided against all this. She doesn’t have my real email address anyhow, what’s the worst that could happen. I should just give her what she wants, all the details…and then some…that I probably made up, ok, that I definitely made up. So I emailed her:

your husband liked to dress up in women's clothing and dance around for me. he would make me rub the spray cheese over his body while wearing women's underware. i thought this was all a little bit weird but to each his own and who am i to really judge anyone. it was what he wanted. did you ever notice that he wore women's panties under his men's underware? he'd often show up like this. and as he stripped off his men's underware, he'd give me dollar bills to stick in the women's underware. i'm sure that you similar experiences with him too. well, good luck to you.

She totally liked it though! Here is her response to my email:

Mozarella or feta or maybe Goat cheese sprinkled with parsley????!!!!!:-)

Seriously though..he never met anyone...I know that bcoz all the pictures he sent were not even his own..a couple girls sent them to me.... ,so unless you produce a real picture of him when you guys met..you are out of luck..

Your email was pretty funny...I had a good laugh..thanks

At least I could make her smile.

Continuing To Rob The Cradle

Here's a conversation I had with the 21 year old via IM yesterday. I'm trying to help him but he's in major denial. Why don't people want help or even recognize the fact that they can improve on their personality?

ME: yo
21 YEAR OLD: yes
ME: are you going to be good? or are you going to be a stalker?
21 YEAR OLD: good
ME: don't be a stalker man
21 YEAR OLD: im not
ME: uh
21 YEAR OLD: sorry
21 YEAR OLD: okay
21 YEAR OLD: cool, so what made you decide to message me
ME: had a few secs of downtime, went to im my friend at work but their out today, saw your name and wanted to just say hi and to tell you not to be a stalker
21 YEAR OLD: lol im not
ME: uh. you kind of are.
21 YEAR OLD: no
21 YEAR OLD: im sorry if i acted like one
ME: when you send texts all day and they don't reply back to you, stop sending them. that's stalkerish. maybe it's acceptable for people in their early 20's? do you think it is?
21 YEAR OLD: i sent u 3
21 YEAR OLD: well what ever im sorry
ME: dude. you sent 13 total texts. i sent you 4. that's an imbalance
ME: i'm just saying. helping you.
21 YEAR OLD: alright
21 YEAR OLD: im sorry
21 YEAR OLD: r we cool
ME: don't be sorry. it's for your life.
21 YEAR OLD: i know are we cool?
21 YEAR OLD: im sorry
ME: we were even not?
ME: stop saying you are sorry
21 YEAR OLD: okay great

Mullets and headphones continued....

Guess who’s back for more? (See December 2009 posting of “Mullets and Headphones”) That’s right, mullets and headphones. He emailed me last night through the site to check in on me, he wrote, “what’s cooking”. I told him I had some mullets and headphones in the oven.

Deep Pockets Continued

So I thought I'd post some of the replies I had gotten from my fake craigslist posting (See Feb 2010 posting)before it was taken down. Some of these guys move fast, it was only up for 10 minutes.

Hi there, I enjoy sports (including softball, baseball, football, basketball), traveling, movies, cooking, dining out, live bands, comedy clubs, bowling, mini-golf, shooting pool, etc, anything fun. I'm an athletic 39 SWM 5' 6" with dirty blonde hair and hazel eyes. I have an MBA and my profession is finance. Hope to speak with you soon.
Carey

There's A New Cradle In Town

There’s a new cradle to rob…this one’s 21 years old. Just like I told the 23 year old, I told 21, he was way too young for me. I told him, “There is no way you’ll be able to support me when I quit working. Even if you had a job right now instead of being unemployed, you’d make no money and would never be able to support me at all”.

Even after I told him all this, he still wanted to talk to me. We were IM’ing through the website and I told him I had to go a few times but this kid just didn’t listen at all. So I told him I really had to go, I was going out that night (of course I wasn’t). He asked if he could come. I told him it’d be totally weird because I was going out on a date (that I just made up in my head to stop im’ing with him). He backed off. But asked for my number to text me. I should have known this was going to be a bad idea.


I don’t understand why these youngsters like to text so much. And they continue to text you when you don’t respond. They just keep texting as if they have never texted you before. This exact same thing happened to the 23 year old too. I’m not sure if this is a coincidence or not at this point.

Guess Who's Back? (BF with the cats)

Yup, this is correct. Just when I think he's gone forever, he pops up again out of the blue. My BF, the one that told his mom about me after the first time we ever met, the one that has like 5 cats and kept taking in more, the one that wanted me to name his newest cat.

Letter to my bf

Here is what I want to write the Chef. I guess I probably won't. It's probs not the best idea in the world. It might send the wrong message or something. But this is what I think in my head:

Dear Chef,

You are going to be my new boyfriend. And here is what I need in a bf:
- Just do whatever it is I say. I’ll change my mind, so it’s never the same all the time. You need to check with me first but not when I'm grumpy, I don't like to be bothered when I'm grumpy.
- I require a lot of attention but I only like to talk about stuff I’m interested in or stuff I like. I can’t listen to stuff that I’m not interested in or stuff that only affects you
- I’m going to need you to do stuff for me, like basically live my life for me bc I’m lazy
- I need you to make a lot of money. Because I will need a nice place, nice clothes, lots of vacations, nice restaurants.

Ok, thanks.

Love,
Dana

Raj the cheater, continued...is he still cheating?

UPDATE FROM RAJ, THE CHEATER (JANUARY 2010)

This guy, Raj, is apparently a huge cheater, his wife found out about his extramarital affairs and went a little crazy. She’s already contacted everyone in his address book in January. And now she’s at it again. I’m posting her original email and replies 2 girls have sent, which I found humorous.

From the soon to be ex-wife:

Hi all,

I emailed many of you a few days ago.

I found around >200 of email addresses in my husband's secret email account,he had delted all emails.By mailing them I did receive replies from few and found that he met a few of them on friendly dates in last 6 years.But I haven't heard back from many others.Please, please take the time to reply.

I have 2 young kids(2 yr and 6 mths) with him and need to do what is best for them and me after having all the information otherwise I will be just exposing myself and them to more pain down the road.

I NEED to know badly if there are others who he met and whether he was ever "emotionally or sexually" involved with anyone both of which he denies strongly as ever....says that he was just harmless flirting and just liked talking to girls.ofcourse I dont believe him anymore

I want to know the whole truth coz he won't tell me.

I beg you to please take the time and have the heart to help someone ...you will be blessed in some way.
Please search for emails from cy30305@yahoo.com or raja0912@hotmail.com or dj30305@yahoo.com and reply to me with anything you remember about him or any emails from him.

Thanks a lot.

Mitali

2 emails from 2 different girls:

you need to stop emailing strangers online. if u have 2 kids with this man then talk to him not us.
you are really embarrising yourself and being a mother of two you should be more concerned about your kids than where your husband has been hobb knobbing.

what if one of the girls he fooled is jilted and lies to you and puts u and your kids in danger? stop emailing me. i do not know how the rest of the people on here feel but im sick of your gaddam emails.

i do feel for you and for what your jackass of a husband did...but u are making things worse. think about why he did what he did and if he isnt worhed leave his dumbass.

Good Day to you.

yes, i think stop to send such emails is good for all of us..
in fact, i really do not know what happened, i forgot what happened, who is your husband? where he came from? why my email address in his mailbox? all are puzzle to me.
so i hope that if possible, could you pls stop to send the email to me?
sorry i really can not help you. and wish you good luck...all the best wishes for you...

Fine, I didn't like you anyways

Went out this guy on Sunday. We met at a bar, I stayed for an hour and left. We had absolutely nothing to talk about, none of the same interests, he seemed extremely depressed. It just was not clicking for me at all. I kind of went into this situation knowing this wouldn’t work out but he had asked me out about 5 or 6 times prior and I just felt bad when I kept blowing him off and finally agreed to something. I thought that when we finally met face to face, that he’d realize this wouldn’t work, then back off. But then yesterday I received the following email:

Dana

Are you interested in me or attracted to me?
Well, I am towards you.
Just wanna know cause you left an hour after you got here.
No hard feelings if you don't. Just be honest with me since we're both adults.

By the way, I've had enough of POF--I deleted my account and I won't be creating another one.**

Chris

**Please note this – since I had “met” him online, he had created and deleted THREE different accounts. He’d contact me, delete it, then create another one and contact me again….this happened 3 different times, each time saying he's had enough.... Should have been red flag for me #1.

I couldn’t lead him on anymore, so I wrote this to put an end to it:

Hey Chris,

I'm going to be perfectly honest. I'm not that attracted to you. It's simple chemistry and has nothing to do with your looks or anything. I think you're a cool person and good looking but I don't feel a spark. I'm sorry. I wish you the best of luck and hopefully we can keep in touch.

Dana

I’m so super glad he understood that I was doing him a favor by ending this early, since he thinks we’re already total opposites:

Sure, no problem. I think we're opposites anyway but I was willing to give it more time. Good luck. Take care.

Final-freaking-ly

I finally found someone normal in this whole experience.

I went out with Normal on Saturday. He’s a chef and was working on Saturday. I was semi in the area and we decided to meet up at a bar next to his restaurant after he finished with work. We had a few drinks and basically just hung out until the bar closed.

It was totally, completely refreshing. He totally acted normal, lead a normal life, had a lot of funny jokes, didn’t need me to explain my jokes, he didn’t show up completely socially inapt, 70 years old, or 23, or living with his mom (I just hope he doesn’t tell his mom about me, then call me to tell me he just told his mom about me).

The only thing abnormal about Normal is that he is abnormally tall. He’s like 6 feet 4 or 5 inches. Which is really funny since I’m super short. He kept trying to get me to put his sweatshirt on at different points of the night. Like he’d wait until an appropriate point to offer it to me (I was cold, etc), as if he was making a nice and gentlemanly gesture, but then I heard him mumble under his breath, “this is going to be so funny”. What nerve but also really funny. So there are normal ones out there. All hope is not lost.

And my parting thoughts - not everyone online is crazy and weird but ALL crazy and weird people are online.

Killer Personality and Deep Pockets

I have a special double post for you today. I think I’ve snapped a little bit due to the snow, again. I got into work and decided that I couldn’t take it anymore. Then I posted the following ad on craigslist:

Wanted - A guy with a killer personality and deep pockets. Must be able to fund the lives of my friends and me with lavish vacations and relocation to a beautiful island where we can party all night and day. Let’s get out of the snow!!

Ten minutes later I saw I had my first reply in my inbox. I was excited, creating my resignation letter in my head, as my right index finger reached on the mouse to click the email open. I received this email:

What are you a fucking whack job? Who the hell do you think you are? Get a job!!!!

About an hour later, I received the following email from craigslist:

Your posting has been flagged for removal.

Continuing The Affair

Newsflash – the Married Guy texted me last night. (reference - see Feb 10 – “Married Life” and Dec 09 – “Cheater At the Beer Garden”). So this was a first. (His wife must have fallen asleep early or something, which freed up his night.) We went back and forth quite a few times, which is unusual for him. (His wife must have gotten in a fight with him last night before she went to bed early.) We had hung out last weekend and he wants to hang out again this weekend. I told him I had some up in the air plans and to give me a call to see if I’m around and we left it at that. Interesting. The saga will continue, I’m sure.

Love is….shoveling….?

I’ve fallen in love. It was a dark snowy, wintery day. I was at work. We’d been out a few times prior. He offered to come to my work, pick me up and help me shovel my car out. I gladly accepted the offer. The Fireman arrived at 3 PM, we had early work dismissal due to the massive amounts of snow that was falling. I went downstairs to meet him. I was so happy to have a ride, thinking how much better it was to not have to walk through the snow to get to my train, take the bus, then walk through the snow again to get home. My heart was already falling. It was a little scary driving, they hadn’t cleared all roads just yet but we made it to my place. As soon as we got there, I took the shovel out of my car and the Fireman went to work. Digging the snow out at an extremely fast pace, I realized at this moment, I am in love. I realized, I want someone to do this for me every time it snows. I want someone to do things for me all the time, in fact.

Clearly, because someone shovels my car out of the snow is an excellent reason to fall in love. Clearly.

I don't see you if you don't see me

I was taking the Path train home on Friday night and ran into someone that I had gone out with on one date a few weeks ago. We both pretended not to notice each other. Thankfully I had my cell phone game on me so I could turn my full concentration towards the game. He got off the stop before me and hightailed it out of there.

The date was ok by any standards. He actually has a job, some sort of engineer, has his own place in Jersey City, not with his mom, had more of a life than his job, had some key stories to tell the night we met that were non work related, but there were no sparks. I’m sure he felt the same way too. He was actually pretty boring. For a good part of the night, he talked about this girl that was his frienemy. She was his roommate in Florida, moved to NY, stayed with him for a little while, then she flipped out and thought he was in love with her (apparently she’s a bit of a drama queen). This went on for a while. I kept suggesting we get another drink but he was saying he was good, I didn’t want to look like a complete lush, next time I shouldn’t care as much how I look.

We did the “nice to meet you, let’s do it again” text afterwards but it was left at that. I believe we both knew we wouldn’t hang out again. And NOT seeing each other on the Path just solidified this.

The Boundary Overstepper

There’s another psycho on the loose, his name is Boundary Overstepper. Another guy that just doesn’t take a hint or know when to walk away. So I asked him, what is he thinking, what is going on in his head. As this little dating experiment goes on, I think I’m getting more and more jaded and less, um, what’s the word…nice. Sometimes I just can’t take it, I can’t help it, it just comes out.

So here we go. I started talking to this guy at the end of January, we had exchanged a few messages on the site, moved it to cell phone, he called once but I wasn’t around and he left a message, then I had to leave for South Carolina. I thought being gone for a while was a good way to clear some people out. And it was. But not for Boundary Overstepper.

Here he is with his constant texts. This is something I just don’t understand. If someone doesn’t reply to a text, why do people keep texting, as if that person didn’t get the text or forgot or something. Also, keep in mind that in between these texts, he would IM me every single time I signed onto the site, which I would also ignore. It got to the point where I was scared to even sign on and check messages! Finally, between 2/17 and 2/21, he IM’ed me and I asked him to back off. Obviously that didn’t help AT ALL:




Here I am being um, what’s the word, oh yeah, mean. And here he is coming up with excuses and lies, last time, yeah right:



He used his own language for this, “overstepped boundaries”, which clearly implies to me that THIS HAS HAPPENED BEFORE AND HE HAS A PROBLEM WITH THIS. It’s not me, it can’t be. Please don’t let it be me. Right??

Belated Valentines Day

Since Valentines Day was on a Sunday with President’s Day following I forgot to write about my awesome day. It’s one to be proud of. I had hung out at a friend’s the night before, we ended up drinking so I stayed over (I had driven there). We didn’t wake up until 1 or 2 pm, went to get Chipotle, and I went home with a stomach ache (thanks Chipotle). The highlight of the day happened next. Ready? Wait for it…..wait for it…..Ok, NOW: I watched Whip It on netflix by myself. I feel asleep around 9 playing this super fun game on my phone that I’m addicted to (Tap Tap Revenge 3) only to be woken up around 11 by this neurotic guy that keeps making and cancelling dates on me. Which leads me to part two…

When I first started talking to Neurotic, he seemed really funny. His actual craziness is probably why he has seems funny…at first. We had a second date set for 2 weeks ago. He called to cancel, didn’t really give a reason, and asked to reschedule. So it was rescheduled for the following Tuesday. The Sunday prior (V-Day) he calls. Wakes me up. Tells me he has insecurities (great). Something about he went out on Saturday night, he thought it was a good time, the girl came down with a headache. Which made him insecure about going out with me. Something about how he would have liked for me to reschedule sooner than a week from when he cancelled – hello crazy, what’s up? Keep in mind, HE IS THE ONE THAT CANCELLED ON ME ORIGINALLY. I basically talked him down from the ledge, told him to chill out, stop thinking about things so deeply, I’m not that girl, when we went out it was fun, blablabla, whatever it took to get him off the phone so I could go back to sleep, watch tv, or play my phone game. Tuesday comes, he sends me a text: “Between the snow and shame – tonight is not a good night for me. Hopefully you understand”. Here is what is going on in my head and what I want to say to him in my head – “go fix your mental issues and then come back and talk to me, you Neurotic psycho and I can’t deal with your insecurities at 42, I have my own issues!” There, just had to get that one out. Thank you for reading. He texted me last night asking me out for this weekend….

PS - I just think the picture is funny and gross but funny more than gross.

Always Practice Safe Online Dating

I decided to do some “research” for this blog last night. Meaning, it was time to respond to some of these winners. I was on the site, someone IM’ed me through the site, then all of a sudden I had some intrusive anti-virus screen take over my machine. I got a virus! Apparently I was not practicing safe online dating methods. I have no idea if it was the guy that send me the online STD virus or if I already had it maybe. I was so mad though! I had to call Dell and of course PAY to have them help me fix my computer. Lesson learned – always practice safe online dating. I just don’t know how to do that. Do they sell computer condoms at the drug store?

Married Life

(Reference – see Beer Garden from December 2009) So I’ve talking to this dude for a while now. Since December I think, maybe earlier. I’ve hung out with him 3 or 4 times. Each time is cool. He’s 34, well educated, decent looking, nice, semi-funny. However I strongly believe he’s married or living with a girlfriend. And here are the reasons why I think this guy is married.

1.He never has me drop him off in front of his building, it’s always down the street. I had to drive him home twice now I think.
2.He has mentioned that he has 2 cars. He has a Toyota and Jeep. This raised questions but I didn’t ask.
3.He never texts or calls at night, only during working hours
4.The last time we hung out, he got a call, looked at his phone, mumbled “whatever” and put the phone back in his pocket. He said he had to leave like 10 minutes later
5.He asked if I could hang out this weekend. He gave me choice of a. hanging out at my house or b. meeting up somewhere in Jersey City (where we both live)
6.When we initially first started talking, he mentioned that he wasn’t looking for a long term relationship. Which I told him was cool. But it’s weird bc usually people who say that are only interested in a physical relationship. Where this kid hasn’t made a move at all. This part is confusing for me.
7.He moved to Jersey City from South Orange (originally from Connecticut). When I asked him what took him to Jersey, his answer was "family". (his family's in Connecticut)...however please note, I was drinking when this conversation took place, this is the only point I have where I'm not 100%.

I mean, it’s cool. It’s not my problem until he admits he is or gets caught, not like I’m falling in love. At this point I just like watching to see where it’s going to go and trying to figure things out. It’s like an episode of Law And Order. Stay Tuned!

23 - The Final Chapter

This is exactly why I shouldn't have started talking to this 23 year old. This is NOT me being mean at all.

This came out of left field this day. Please keep in mind, I had responded to every single one of his texts for days, all day long. It wasn't always instant because, you know, I have a job and a life but there was always a response. Am I really the crazy one??

Contact with the Virgin

Fear not, contact has been made with the Virgin. I'm am currently trying to establish a solid idea of what he's about in order to move forward. Please stay posted.

Never Joke About High School Girls

I had initially talked to this guy weeks ago. He only signs onto IM at night and I'm only really on during the day we haven't communicated much. Randomly he contacts me today. Note to self, never joke about high school girls again...or joke more about them. Real note to self, people who say they have a sense of humor NEVER really have a sense of humor....

Alex: hey stranger how r u?
ME: hey. whats up.
Alex: 2 days off cuz of snow gotta say im lovin it
Alex: but ive got a cold so i would have been home anyway most likely
ME: must be nice. where do you live?
ME: i worked yesterday and i'm working today
Alex: hackensack U?
ME: dang. where do u work?
ME: i live in Jersey city and work in NY
Alex: teacher in nj
ME: my work didn't close
ME: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
ME: thats why
Alex: those dang teachers...
ME: LOL
ME: exactly
ME: what do you teach?
ME: how to pick up girls online?
Alex: no but could u help me in my online quest
ME: how?
Alex: tell me how to pick up the ladies online haha what s it gonna take
Alex: ill stick to spanish
ME: u teach spanish?
Alex: si senorita
ME: how would i be able to help u pick up ladies
ME: just be you man. just be you.
Alex: amen
ME: u teach high school?
ME: u pick up high school chicks for "extra credit"?
Alex: no i dont teach high school and I dont really like the last comment
Alex: not someting to joke around with
ME: some of these are just jokes
Alex: i know ive got an interesting sense of humor too but dont joke about teaching
ME: too many rules
Alex: rules?
ME: oye
Alex: im listeining
ME: i don't like to explain jokes.
Alex: recently there was a case of a teacher involved with a minor that is all over the newspaper so im sorry if i didnt think it was amusing
ME: was it you, loser?
Alex: no it wasnt

The fact that he replied, especially after I called him a loser is just too sweet. I blocked him after his reply, I couldn't let it continue, someone had to put the conversation out of it's misery.

**IM is kept as is, spelling errors included.

Mikegary

I think this IM conversation speaks for itself. Also. This guy says his name is "Gary", but his IM comes up as "Mike S". Who even knows. I roll my eyes at this entire situation!!

mike s: hi dana
ME: yes?
mike s: so at home
mike s: enjoying the snow
mike s: :)
ME: that's nice. i'm at work.
mike s: ru
ME: do you even know who i am?
mike s: i think i do
mike s: :)
ME: i don't think you do.
ME: we talked on im. it didn't really go that well. then you contacted me on another website the very next week....as if we'd never "talked" before.
ME: do you remember????
mike s: oh yeah
mike s: :)
mike s: the asian girl
ME: so why are you even contacting me again? you just remembered?
mike s: we never had a fight
mike s: LOL
ME: you are so lame
mike s: but neways i have a friend dana too
mike s: so honestly i thought its her
ME: that is such a lame made up excuse

Mom's House's project

Mom's House's project:

The EU-US Merger Project


Toward:


1)- the Prevention of the Annihilation of Humanity

2)- the Resolution of the World's Major Problems

3)- the Restoration of the Balance of Power on the Planet

4)- the Establishment of World Peace and World Prosperity

5)- the Upgrading of the Global Operating System and the Existence of Humanity

6)- the Rendering of War, Capital Punishment & the Burning of Fossil Fuels Obsolete

7)- the Creation of a Highly Enlightened World Federation

8)- and the Advancement of Civilization


The "timely" solution & advanced global political strategy that i propose (i.e. my very own personal contribution to the evolution of humanity) to solving many if not ALL of the worlds major problems including war, corruption, global warning, poverty, the economy... lies in what i call the "ultimate power move," merging the 2 most powerful governments on the planet, the EU & the US. Precipitating or more accurately quickening the "already-in-motion" Global Unification & Integration process, toward the resolution of the world's major problems, is the overall goal (which includes saving humanity from complete annihilation & destruction of course). Merging the EU & the US will obviously "check" all aberrant countries/nations (North Korea, Syria, Iran...) from doing things they shouldn't otherwise be doing, included in the mix of being checked will be the US & the EU of course. After merging the EU & the US other countries can then be "systematically integrated" as well if they so choose. The "button-up" approach of the "North American Union", that is the US merging with Canada & Mexico, is childs play & essentally "less relevant" compared to the "top-down" approach of an EU-US Merger. The one VERY important caveat/requirement to having a "fully unified & fully integrated planet" is having the "right people" on top, unenlightened heartless half-wits will not only "not do" but they will worsen the already f---ed up & despicable condition of humanity & planet earth & obvioulsy that's a no no. So those impressed with and interested in bankrolling and/or contributing in other ways (i.e. ideas, media attention...) to my Global Business Venture/Independent Work Project you may contact me here. Thanks, Leo (a.k.a. "The Good Borg," "The Way of the Future," "The Director," "Regulator of the Free Market," "True Leader of the Free World," "Commander of the Intergalatic Battle Fleet"...)


Step 1- An EU-US Merger

Step 2- The Institution of Highly Enlightened, Highly Advanced and Highly Evolved Global Policies

Step 3- Aid to Africa and beyond

Step 4- The Inclusion of the rest of the Nations into the Global Union



P.S. - A shift from the old unregulated short-term oriented "Free Market Economy" to the new regulated long-term oriented "Fair Market Economy" (A Green Market Economy)

P.S.S. - Pay Rate/Scale dependent on level and degree of Overall Contribution to Humanity

P.S.S.S. - One "Monetray Unit" to free up the money system to print money at will to allocate accordingly



XXXX

Global Political Innovator & Pioneer - World Leading Thinker, Futurist & Visionary - Master Strategist & Planner - Idea Broker & Global Policy Entrepreneur - Futuristic, Progressive & Forward Oriented Thinker - Advanced Ideas and Concepts Guy...



"XXX,
An interesting vision. And while I would not be opposed to it in the ideal, the practical implications seem abit overwhelming. If Ken Wilber is correct, and only 1-2 percent of the world is at yellow or above, then we may have to wait another generation or 3 to see this plan through to a gentle beginning. Just to many people on the planet still dealing with their magical or mythical past let alone those strung out in the mental world chasing the latest technological rage....."Current" technology not included...LOL... Good luck... Littlesigh

Virgin....continued

I've reached out to the Virgin. Stay tuned for more details. I have no intention of ever meeting him in person but I do have a several questions for him. I'd like to get to the bottom of his situation.

23 Continued

I broke down. I started talking to the 23 year old (see posting 23 under Jan 10)...I'm a cougar. He's actually pretty funny. I might actually see him in person too. I do not like where this is going at all. But now I'm on this train and it's a bit hard to stop. He just kept talking to me when I wasn't replying, telling me stuff about his everyday life. I'm not even sure what to think of all this except that it just makes me feel so freaking old!!!!

Eau De Moth

Date last night. Smelled like mothballs. Why would you smell like mothballs??? He wasn't old either (sometimes old people smell like mothballs), he was 37 or something reasonable. A girl in my dorm during freshman year used to keep mothballs in her room and her roomate flipped out and yelled at her one day. The mothball girl was Chinese. Last night's date wasn't Chinese either.

philman7

A few weeks ago I was added as a “favorite” by philman7. I have no idea what happens when someone adds you as favorite. I guess it’s their passive aggressive way of telling you they like you. Like passing you a note in school where you have to circle “yes” or “no” if you like them back. I’d like to share some of the best parts of philman7’s profile. This site asks you to fill out silly questions. You can totally choose not to fill them out and leave them blank if you want. But here are his answers, unedited, along with the thoughts that went through my head as I read them:

Site question: Things I can’t live without:
His answer: video games
My head thinks: Even if you love them, do you really need to put this as your best foot forward? Are you trying to impress other geeks or actual girls here, philman7?

Site question: Favorite movies:
His answer: Sci-fi/fantasy
My head thinks: Oh, really. Not surprised based on the previous question.

Site question: I spend a lot of time thinking about:
His answer: whatever comes to mine such as (day)dreams, concerns, etc…
My head thinks: Oh boy….really scared to think of those day dreams…

Site question: The most private thing I’m willing to admit here:
His answer: im a virgin
My head thinks: My head doesn’t even think, it just explodes at this point. (he’s 27)

God bless philman7. At least he’s honest. I’m sure he’s a really nice person. I’m thinking of reaching out to him. Try and help him. No, not with the part about being a virgin. But maybe with social skills in general. Everyone needs a little help. Although, he may not appreciate it. Stay tuned.

Photo caption: This is how I imagine philman7 spends his Saturday's.

Sky's The Limit??

For some reason I've been contacted by a lot of really tall people. I have no idea why this keeps happening. It's so odd. I don't lie about anything in my profile, especially height. So they obviously know I'm super short.

Alvin is 6' 7"
Eric is 6' 5"

I know there's been others but this is just last week. I just think it's funny. They are an entire little person taller than me!!

Bitterly Funny

Last night’s date was morbidly funny. You’ll understand in a minute.

I was at a bar, the date went to the bathroom and I used this time to check my phone. I saw a missed call and a text from a number I didn’t recognize. I open the text to find out it’s a good friend’s brother asking me to call him. He also lives in NYC so I thought maybe he just wanted to hang out or something. I call him back from the bar. Date is still in the bathroom. I can sense a serious tone in the brother’s voice but can’t hear what he’s saying. Nervously looking back and forth between the men’s bathroom door and my date’s coat hanging on the coat hook (with his wallet inside, after he already told me please watch it), I don’t know what to do. So obviously I do the most inappropriate thing and just bolt outside. Turns out the brother has horrible news. My friend’s husband has passed away, brother tells me where to fly into. I run back inside and see Date sitting, confused on the stool. I tell him what just happened, not knowing if he’ll believe it, but not really caring that much because I know it’s true. I feel horrible. About everything. The date was going fairly well too. We quickly leave. I get home, text him that I’m sorry and I’m booking my flight. His reply – “all this just to avoid being busted for ditching me” (he’s kidding. I’m pretty sure)

I’m sure people make up these stories to get out of bad dates all the time. I wish I were a little bit more detached to be able to do something like that, but I’m not. Instead, I’ll just go through the bad date and then blog about it after. It’s funny when it really does happen. Who does that really happen to?? I guess me.

I’ll be taking a break for a little bit, but please read on for any missed postings!

23

A 23 year old contacted me today...I will be 33 this year. I told him, "my last date was with someone that could be your father".

A Hoarder

Today I’ll share someone else’s horror story.

“Mike” met “Betty” on the internet, they started talking, getting to know each other. As time progressed “Betty” started to reveal more and more about herself. “Mike” started realizing that “Betty” was a HOARDER! Here are the reasons why:
-Betty collects coupons to buy things on sale at the grocery store
-She buys stuff she doesn’t even need
-She loves doing this
-She then has an excess amount of stuff and has a “garage sale” to get rid of some of the stuff, while making her money back at the same time (or so she claims)
-Her place is packed with all of this stuff

I begged “Mike” to contact her so that he could put her on the show, Hoarders. But he refused to do so. I have no idea why. We need to help this girl! “Mike” claims to not even have her number anymore but I think he’s lying. I’ll continue to work on this. "Mike" is so lucky he's met someone like "Betty", he has no idea.

Update on January posting of "Breaking up is easy to do" (The BF)

I am so sad today. I thought the BF got the point and moved on. Apparently not. This makes me so sad. I am trying to remember to always default to happiness and love but this BF sure is making it hard. Here's a screen shot of the most recent text he sent me yesterday.

It's like he won't just go away and live in peace with his cats and ferrets. I'm going to have to explain to him that he needs to keep it moving. Default to love and happiness. WHY ME?!?!

Just A Few Updates

I just have some general updates for you today.

- Cheating apples (see post from December 2009) - I actually saw him, in person. He works at the Apple store, a friend needed a new iPod, I went with him, and saw the cheater in person. No, I didn't say anything, I have no idea if he recognized me but I recognized him from his pics. Yes, I knew there was a chance I’d see him, yes, I wanted to take the chance, NOOOO, I’m not a stalker. Well, ok, maybe a little bit.

- I have plans to meet a guy that works for Google next week. I hope to come out of the night with either a husband, a job at Google, or the new Google phone. One can only dream.

- I spoke with Glasses Dave on the phone. I don't think it'll go anywhere. After he went on about women who often disappear on him (stop calling, emailing), and his favorite tv shows for an hour (only my favorite topic IF I actually WATCH the shows), and I told him I had to hang up, his response - "but it's so early". This all ended up working out well for me. Too many Daves are never a good thing.

Living At Home With Mom, Dad, And A Flashlight Collection

Ohhhhh happy day! Today is a 2 part bundle of joy post. Both topics are about same guy. He just has no idea how much he had to offer me...and my little blog.

Part 1 (home with the parents):

Note to self – do not put down people that live at home with their parents. Apparently this is a big epidemic that affects(sorry if this is grammatically incorrect, I truly cannot grasp effect vs. affect...yea yea, I know noun vs verb and all that, still no idea) a lot of men in their 30’s. I should be more sensitive to this and not as judgmental or assume that just because you are in your mid-30's or older that you live on your own. Bad things happen when one assumes.

The following is part of my actual IM conversation:

ME: my dream is that they'd (my parents) move back (to Hawaii) and then I'd just move home. but me moving back home is probably not their idea of a dream come true for them. Lol where do you live?

HIM: In Union City... W/ mom and dad.

WHOOPS, how was I supposed to know?!?

Part 2 (flashlight fun):

This is all the same guy I had previously insulted above, but he continued talking to me. Later in the conversation, I learned that he has a flashlight collection. I asked how many he had, his reply: “several dozen”. I thought he was messing with me. This just seemed too good and awesome to be true. He gave me several links for where to find the ultimate information about flashlights. In case you’re interested:
https://www.fenix-store.com/
www.candlepowerforums.com is THE place for all things flashlight related.

And for your reading pleasure is even more of our actual IM conversation about the flashlights:

Me: What do you do with them?
HIM: nothing too exciting. Just collect them and admire them...
Carry some on a regular basis. Usually have about two small pocket lights on me at all times...
ME: i actually needed one yesterday. but the one i have, the batteries didn't work
HIM: Exactly! Doesn't have to be a big disaster they come in handy in day to day life.

At least I know now where to get a killer flashlight. My living room can be pretty dark and a good one would come in handy every now and again. Like when I’m trying to set up a tv or something and I need to be able to see the tiny writing on the back.